Breaking: Dame Patience Slumps As Buhari Is Declared Winner

Dame Patience Jonathan has reportedly been rushed to a hospital in Otueke and is in critical condition after she slumped while watching the live collation of votes on TV.
Dame Patience, according to eye witness accounts, is said to have been agitated ever since the election collation began on TV, but slumped at fainted just as the results for Benue state were called.
Our eye witness tells us that, on hearing that her husband lost Benue, she screamed “David Mark ooooooo heiiii” and fainted.
She was immediately rushed to the Intensive Care Unit of the Bayelsa State University Teaching Hospital. On the ride to the hospital she kept mumbling “I don wan to go prison ooo”.
She is currently recieving medical attention.